I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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