I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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