Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
