I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
