Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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