I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
