I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
