every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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