I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize