my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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