I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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