I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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