check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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