If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
