I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
