Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize