I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
