you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
