I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
