I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
