Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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