Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
where are you?
Hypothermia
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
