i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
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I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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