So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
