You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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