I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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