There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
