I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
