New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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