He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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