my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
