hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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