Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
