My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
