we have officially mastered the walk of shame
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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