Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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