Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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