if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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