everyone is single if you try hard enough
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
