i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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