i barfeds in our rink
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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