I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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