Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
