and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
