Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
