oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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