On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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