I accidentally burped into my bong.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
