I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
