The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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