Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
