Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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