Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
where are my eyebrows?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
