I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
