Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
